I have never been so happy to see the backside of a year as I was this past January 1st. There were some good moments, no doubt, but the majority of my 2008 was smudged with the trials and tribulations associated with my sister's drug addiction.
Usually I don't talk a lot about my sister's struggles with crystal meth because I feel that is her story to tell. So I won't be telling that story here. I do, however, feel that I can talk about the 7 years or so I've stood in the middle of the intense fire that engulfed my family. Topics like this aren't really suitable dinner conversation, so I typically reserve this heavier fare for those late night philosophical discussions with my mom or very close friends.
And topics like this aren't really fun to read about on blogs.
But what does make for a good blog post are those moments when you can actually see the storm cloud behind you.
This week I've been moving all of my things from one room in my parents' house to my sister's old room. This is an effort to provide a healthy environment for my sister when she returns to this house for a holiday visit or a weekend stay.
My sister's old room was a bright purple. The color that a high school girl would pick to match her very girlie Pottery Barn bedspread. I guess most people would look at a color like that and be cheered up. For me, though, that color was terrifying and depressing. I think my mom felt the same way when she looked into my sister's old room because she was adamant about painting over it.
So I went to Lowe's and looked at rows of paint samples called "mint gelato green" and "summer sky" and "antique white" until I found a pale blue called "cake stand blue."
As I painted over that terrible purple, I wondered if the walls would forget all that they had seen in this room - if the memory would be wiped as clean as this new color. I thought about how bright the room had become and the promise of new memories to be made in this room.
For my sister, her current state of transformation is not much different from these four walls. She is in a program, as most people politely refer to rehab, and has matured exponentially in a very short time. It's taking a lot of work, but she is slowly shedding darkness and discovering the bright promise of her future.
Ah, Cake Stand Blue. I think you're my new favorite color.
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3 comments:
Since you told me about your sister, I have been praying for her and you. Thank you for writing this beautiful post. It is full of hope. May the Life Changer be close to you all.
I think it is tough to talk about the things that really hit home. I struggle with my relationship with my folks and have tired to cope with it as well as possible - but it is still there, everyday. Sometimes a reminder. I am proud of you for writing about things that are not easy to always talk about. I hope your sister all the luck in the world. She's a gem as well as her big sister!
Karen forwarded me your blog. Sorry you have had a rough time in 08. I know the feeling, honey. But seriously, stop all this nonsense about whatever job you think you want and write a book for goodness sake. You have talent.
Carolyn Hori
aka Bakes with Butter
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