Eye Give Up

Apparently I am uber wealthy. Or at least that's what the sign above my head says. I mean, why else would the super-not-so-nice ladies at the eye doctors complex charge me $80 more than they promised my visit would cost? Are twenty dollar bills flying out of my pockets again without me noticing? (like that happened once, ha)

So if any of you out there in Internetland have ever had the joy of ticking the "Self Pay" box on the incredibly long information/insurance/please-sign-your-freedom-over-to-us waiver, you will totally know where I was at approximately 9:45am this morning. I have medical insurance - just not the fancy vision and dental kind. But try telling this to the soft-spoken woman behind the counter manning the clipboards. An eyebrow shoots up. She thinks, "Should I call security?" A distrusting glance is thrown my way. Then she points out the "Self Pay" option on my payment form.

Lady! Relax! Not only will I pay you at the end of this visit, the check will clear and you will have your money by the EOD. That's right! The end of day - as in TODAY!

Now for those of you who nodded your head at the shared memory of also ticking the "Self Pay" box, you will also know that doctors often over-charge insurance companies for everything. Like office visits. This is why it pays to let the kind (but usually not-so-kind) people (usually ladies) manning the reception desk that you do not have *insert specific type* insurance. Usually surrendering this information will lower the cost of your office visit. Unless you go to the blankety-blank eye doctor complex in my town. Then they will charge you more than they said over the phone when you made the appointment and even more than they said when you first signed in with the aforementioned receptionist.

And really, why shouldn't they charge you a small fortune for a nurse to do a full eye exam and a doctor smelling of exotic coffee to breeze in and out of your exam room? They've got a really posh building to pay for! And 47 magazine subscriptions to maintain! And fancy machines to do their work! And don't forget all of those beautiful clipboards! Someone has to pay for it all. And since I have money in offshore accounts that I didn't even know about, I might as well be the one to pony up a small fortune.

Oh well. At least I got new contacts.